Entry 16- Disaster Prepardeness: In Case of Nuclear Holocaust, 10.0 Earthquake, or Level 5 Hurricane turn around and kiss your ass goodbye.

I keep hearing and seeing on the radio and television warning reminders or stories about how prepared we are as individual households for The Big One. I would suspect as about prepared as New Orleans was for Katrina. Dare you disagree?



Late last year, I wrote a short story entitled Aguire's Nightmare. (I can easily forward this story on for whomever would like to read it.) It's about a wildfire that completely destroys the city of San Diego. I entitled it as such because Michael Aguire did send out a memo recommending to the Mayor and Governor that San Diego, during the 2007 wildfires, begin completely evacuating the city and county. The story itself has nothing at all to do with the City Attorney, or his memo. I just thought it was a clever title. Like, Custer's Last Stand, or something.



We have to face some very real truths about a major disaster hitting our city. First thing, there is no water here. In the event of a major earthquake, supposing one was large enough to break dams and damage underground pipes, we would all be boiling water out of Mission Bay to drink, hoping the act of heating salt water would also kill unwanted bacteria of who-the-fuck-knows what else in there.



Second thing, San Diego, as a land mass, beside it's lack of natural water resources, is a type of island. To the east we have a desert, to the west we have nothing but the Pacific Ocean, to the north there is nothing but Pendleton all the way to the southern edge of Orange County, and to the south is our friendly neighbor Mexico. In the event of a major earthquake, would northern Baja, and southern Orange County be any better off than we would?



We could rely on F.E.M.A., although thousands of people in Louisianna are still living in trailers. How long ago was that fucking hurricane, anyway?



What makes me laugh at the disaster preparedness warnings the media throws out at us is that part of the reason I pay taxes (besides avoiding prison for tax fraud) is that if something so incredibly horrible happens to me, or the city, state, or country I live in that I have no means of survival, I absolutely am going to rely on some kind of government assistance. I'm collecting unemployment now, and I have recently stopped feeling guilty about it. No one will offer me a job, no matter where I apply. The Army National Guard is hiring, of course. And from what I hear if you join the National Guard these days, you may get to travel a lot farther than Oklahoma. You know what I mean?



The idea that if we all stock a quantity of water, food, and medical supplies in our homes to survive a major disaster is a false sense of security. I keep a tent in the trunk of my car, just in case. If there is a major disaster and you want to find me, I'll be down on the beach by Torrey Pines cooking up sandcrabs for food, and doing supply raids into downtown La Jolla for water and medicinals.



What has happened, and is still going on, in China with their huge earthquake, and the subsequent aftershocks, is just a reminder to all of humanity that it does not matter how prepared you think you are for disasters- When they hit, and they are big enough to cause major, major damage the best thing to do is count your blessings you are still alive (if you are) and then try to resolve the immediate problem of who to eat first.



Seriously, I know how to catch fish, and cook on an open flame. I'm not a survivalist, per se, but I can pitch a tent. You dig?



In next weeks episode, I explain my opinion about our right to bear arms, and how it's foolish to believe your shotgun is going to protect you from government tyranny when the feds order F-15's to bomb your house.